Masculinity author & men’s performance coach says 'loneliness' is a big problem for men - ahead of Father's Day 2023

Men’s performance coach and masculinity author Dan Stanley recognises Father’s Day as an opportunity to flag that the biggest threat to men’s well being is loneliness. He explains:

“Father’s Day is a poignant occasion for us to recognise the importance of our  connections with male loved ones in our lives. Yet being in contact once a year isn’t enough. Loneliness has the biggest impact on poor mental health. Yet it  is a very common occurrence in midlife men.

“There are a number of factors that can accelerate it. A shift in our identity such as changing career, moving from working in the office to at home, becoming a parent  or when men retire are all obvious life changes. These shifts change how often men see their peers and friends, and it can have a detrimental impact.

“As a result of our gender conditioning and modern day masculinity, which is imprinted into boys in their teens, it is hard for men to have meaningful dialogue.”

Stanley believes that in our current world the reliance on digital devices and social media means there is a societal acceptance not to see dads on this big day. 

“We now know that loneliness has as great an impact on our health and wellbeing as smoking does.  The 2018 Jo Cox commission into loneliness reported that 8 million men feel lonely. A YouGov poll also flagged that 30% of men don’t have a best friend.

“In prisons if someone is punished then they are put into solitary confinement. In this context, it’s easy to see that the repercussions of loneliness are vast.”

The married father of two runs Men and Mountains, a monthly male walking meet up, where men can chat while walking side by side. He also runs an exclusively male coaching business, BetterMen, which has helped hundreds of men with their wellbeing.

“Men don’t talk about how they feel. The cliche a problem shared is a problem halved is absolutely true. Men internalise so much yet in doing so it becomes a trigger for poor mental health.

“Many men in their 40s and 50s find themselves as the sandwich generation; sandwiched between the financially responsibility of children at school or university and the time and cost of caring for elderly parents. With a feeling of constant busyness and no one to share these feelings, the issue around loneliness becomes very real.

“They see themselves having to be stoical and self sufficient, at all times, in reality this is leading a generation of men into self-imposed isolation.”

‘‘Contrary to societal perception, men can speak about and share their challenges without feeling weak or inferior. Through Men & Mountains, I’ve witnessed first hand, men engaging in meaningfully expressive dialogue. Typically, this results in a powerful sense of connection that bonds men’’.

More information on Dan Stanley’s coaching business can be found here: https://www.better-men.uk